Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
