i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
