I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he shaved USA in his pubs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
