Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize