Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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