I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
