i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
