Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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