So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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