I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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