So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
