I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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