This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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