First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
