I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
