No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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