I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
