Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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