It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
