well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
