So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All the doctor said was why
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
