I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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