She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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