the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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