where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were destined to go to rehab together
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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