It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
