I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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