Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
