she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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