can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
