Someone shit on the floor
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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