Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This girl is more easily done than said...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
