i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
