I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
