went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
