If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
