let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
