You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
