Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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