overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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