I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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