Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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