Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
