Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
