Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
