1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
