3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
