Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
