Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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