I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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