Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
