Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
