Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
