ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
