I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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