In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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