Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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