who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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