I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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