He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
