Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
