You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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