Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
