my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
