"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
